I know those moments when I feel overly protective of myself and guarded in order to feel safe. Not allowing the preciousness within me to be tarnished, stomped on or ruined. Sometimes I have these moments within myself. I feel cautious of sharing with others the things that i feel is most like-able and connective about myself.
The moments aren’t as bad as it was years ago when I completely became dark and anxious for years where i felt the need to stay safe in my cocoon. I did not have a sense of who I was. I was fragmented within which caused a lack connection within and with others. I can remember the moments where it was hard for me to have and keep eye contact with someone. A solid self belief, and being comfortable being myself had not arrived yet.
It has been a journey up until now where I understand that special quality in me that I want to share with other allows me to connect more with myself and understand the quality i bring to the table is recognized by those who care, those who connect with me because they have similar qualities within themselves.
I’m still on my journey of understanding that in moments of feeling guarded, it can also spark a question about how I can feel more comfortable with myself first. The answer lies in building more of a solid self belief. Now that I am aware of a core problem of feeling guarded I understood that having a affirmative meditation practice could build a more solid self belief and change how I could confidently connect with others the way that i want to. This practice consist of me at night lying still in my bed before falling to sleep and feeling the energy as I say affirmations of love, calm, strength, joy, etc to myself. Focusing on each affirmative phrase feels different in my body but they all give me a sense of self belief about myself which allows for a deep and strong connection to others.